Theological Terms from the Esoteric Dictionary of Quasi-Spiritual Mistaken Knowledge

Thanks to Bruce Podmore for reminding me of that very funny publication THE WITTENBURG DOOR which is most decidedly worth a look at. Randall F West's Theological Terms are a supine anitidote to some of the quasi-evangelical mumbo-jumbo I have had to take this past few weeks! Enjoy. And thanks Bruce!

Theological Terms from the Esoteric Dictionary
of Quasi-Spiritual Mistaken Knowledge
By Randall F. West
Issue #188, July/August 2003

Trini-tini-tarianism – Belief in a miniscule but three-personed God.
Exebegesis – Textual interpretation that results in scaring the pants off you.
Septuasquint – Vision deficit resulting from intense study of small-print version of the Septuagint.
Septuagimp – Manuscript of O.T. in very lame Greek.
Codex Sinusitis – Historically important New Testament manuscript that makes you sneeze.
Hypocrypha – extra-canonical documents that pretend to be part of the apocrypha but aren’t.
Apocalips – The intensely pursed expression of readers of Left Behind books.
Tell-e-all-ogy – The theological justification for sleazy unauthorized biographies.
Penetetouche´ – A crushing rejoinder to arguments that Moses did not write the Penteteuch.
More-pheology Theology – The study of the slippery changes of the prosperity doctrine.
Trylemma – The crisis of conscience experienced by agnostics who try to respond to C.S. Lewis’ “Lord, liar or lunatic” argument.
Eh-scatology – Ho-hum exposition of the end times.
Decalogue – A dialogue between ten people. Often unsuccessfully attempted in Episcopal and Presbyterian communities. (Not related to the Ten Commandments, unless to debunk them.)
Christodgily – Dry, academic discussion of the various manifestations of Christ.
Form Criticism – What liberal theologians engage in when they go on Spring Break.
Intarnation – Ontological epithet often inserted into the sentence “What…are you doing?”
Propitchiation – A testimony of faith given by professional baseball players.
Par-wooz-sia – State of mental fuzziness induced by overlong fasting while reading the book of Revelation.
Par-ooz-sia – A divine appearance bringing about the end of the world in a slow, icky way.
Par-oops-sia – Heresy propounded by some writers who forgot where to look for the book of the Revelation.
KerygMama – A dynamic woman preacher (see also: Franklin, Aretha).
Kantikle of Kanticles – Seldom-sung love song based on Immanuel Kant’s Critique of Pure Reason.
Synaptic Gospels – Fast paced cyber-version of the Gospels edited by Keanu Reeves and the cast of The Matrix. Features amazing special effects, including the Apostle Paul evangelizing faster than humanly possible.
Dyslexic Gospels – Version that only makes sense read backwards.
Pteredactor – A theological dinosaur known for biting large holes in the text.

Sadly, Mike Yaconelli, whose work as a cofounder of Youth Specialties and The Wittenburg Door I remember with much gratitude and fondness, died in 2003 in a car crash. There is a lovely memorial to him posted on The Door. The Wittenburg Door is published by The Trinity Foundation, which started in 1972 as a ministry to the need in Dallas. More here. They publish their own blog of interesting daily Bible studies, if you want to be challenged in your faith!

Google search on Mike Yaconelli here
Christianity Today article after his death here
Tribute posted on Crosswalk.com here

Eastern University has audio of three messages Yaconelli gave during the school's Spiritual Emphasis Week in 1999. (Audio: Message 1 | Message 2 | Message 3). NOTE - RealAudio required to listen to these.